well hi everyone welcome to my channel creepy yellow my name is Tabatha for those of you who don't know me and I have a couple of new subbies since I last uploaded well I just wanted to let you guys in on a few things so this video is gonna be a bit different from the usual product reviews or you know lifestyle hacks and all of that but I just I've been going through a lot lately some of you have contacted me on social media and especially on my Instagram and a bit like oh you've been really quiet in fact I think I haven't posted as of the recording of this video like I think six weeks and I think that's possibly the longest I've gone before updating my Instagram profile in a while prior to that I've always told you guys when I'm taking breaks from blogging either because I'm traveling or because I'm sick or because I'm having exams or something but then you know this time around I just I just I don't know I fell out of love of blogging I mean I've been at this now for about two and a half years I started in 2015 so 2015 2016 and then half 2017 actually almost like three quarters of 2017 um so I've been doing this for a while and I think I just reached that point when I was like why why am I doing this like why why am i bothering myself with with creating content and you know trying to get myself out there and trying to put something original and share my world and my thoughts let me share my world yes and my thought to lead the world you know so I really got to that point when I was like this is just a lot of time it's a lot of effort and while like for me luckily like to be honest I I really haven't got a lot of naked on my social media pages but I think that you just blessing for me from God I really don't get any trolls or mean you know comments coming to me via you know my DMS or email but I was really feeling discouraged and I was really feeling like why did that I spend all this time doing everything that I've done and you know you might be wondering like oh my god you know I may I hope I don't come across to you like I have a perfect life because I don't and I think I was even borderline like feeling depressed you know hours I've spent a lot of time in bed for the past six weeks and cry a lot like I have cried cried but I just decided to put this video out there because I want to be honest with you guys and I want you guys to feel and especially you you who's watching because often times are not watching YouTube with like all your friends or like at a club let's be honest you're watching it on the loo oh you're watching it on your way to school or you're watching it before bed so I want to speak to you if you are feeling kind of lost and confused just the way I've been feeling like I am turning 27 in four months time in December and I just feel like I've just been through like my quarter life crisis I mean I've made some huge decisions for myself this year decided to be more permanently based in Kenya and I've done huge things like if you've been falling for for a while you know I have my meet and greet I had my my first master class and I've interacted with literally I think like 30 brands this year and like I've met like over 300 of my readers and my subscribers so it's been huge I've met so many other like Kenyan you know intrapreneurs and leaders you know social scene in the entertainment scene and yet after all that success and all of that overcoming I'm still feeling really really really low I'm really empty you know like why is it that you know every day just feels like a drag you know sorry I don't even know where I'm going with this but do you know I think what I've what I've realized that what really helped me when I went through my quitting social media for some time is that you know often times I feel like we're listening so much to the voices of those around us like I'm the type of person obviously because I'm in social media obviously because I'm a blogger I'm always trying to see what the latest trends are you know what's the latest in here what's the latest in you know in you know the arts whatever it is and so I'd like I live on social media and I found myself comparing myself to everyone like you know so basically you know a famous of every morning I wake up I'm always on my Instagram always checking like who's posted what comparing myself to other Kenyan brothers comparing myself to other international bloggers you know always trying to be like okay who's done this without this feeling like I'm really chasing things and yet realizing that so many of these photos on Instagram and on social media are so altered like people have I mean a number of apps that are there to give you a certain skin tone a certain glow you know to make you look like you're fabulous people Photoshop their photos to get a smaller waist a bigger you know bigger he a bigger chest bigger bust you know so I found myself really comparing myself to these images and these people that I don't even speak to on a day-to-day basis I don't even know where they live I don't even know if this is the true life that they live you know and then at the same time I found myself feeling like the content on social media is so empty nowadays like I mean I I blame myself as well myself like a person of my age what do we really wanna know like we've been kind of figuring out our hair journey that's why I talk about hair and you know that's been such an important starting point for me in terms of understanding Who I am as an individual and who I am as a young woman over the years as my life has changed as I've gone through uni as event in the corporate world you know going natural really gave me that foundation in that community of other black women other African women was up going through life together but I feel like all of a sudden it became like now you know blockers are the ones showing you how to live life and it's a one-way conversation and you're supposed to be this perfect person you're supposed to be you know three men you supposed to have all the money in the world it's supposed to have your together in a super solid beautiful husband handsome husband and key them you know live this perfect life and the subscribers or the people who subscribe to your channel a lot supposed to be getting in and when I came home I really felt like there's a lot of that in the social media theme like if you're a person in the public eye you have to live a very sort of perfect picture-perfect life and not a picture-perfect relationship with your boyfriend I never feel alone ever feel discouraged and others like that this can't be real life you know like social media gives you this perfect view of of what life should be and I'm like it's not like that because I struggle I struggle with the depression sometimes with guilt with shame from decisions I've made in the past you know I miss I miss people that I heard I have you know sometimes I get scared about the decisions that I have to make I'm unsure of myself and I'm like you know social media was supposed to be so perfect and when you're broken you're supposed to be know I'm figuring it out so you can show people how to get there you know the edges lead or they are weak matched or their outfits on point and I'm just like I'm just so tired of that I'm so tired and I'm so tired of the posturing and you know people were reading into you and and you and me reading into other people's lives so I don't even know where this video is going on clearly really rumbling but I just wanted to beat them clear with you I just wanted to let you know that I understand where you are as well inasmuch as they come from another Millennials perspective and I just wanted to encourage you to take a step at a time sometimes you need to take some time off your life you need to take some time off of the things that influence how you think and that create negative perceptions of yourself right social media has been a fantastic way of connecting people from around the world but can also be a really easy tool by which you start to put yourself down you know you start to think well she's 25 she's married oh my god – if I hope she has a kid oh god she's 25 she's like has her own business over 225 you know you stop comparing yourself and you start putting yourself down and you start comparing yourself to these markers that the world is setting instead of searching your own path you know so I think what's been working for me it's just taking some time off controlling how much social media I consume as well as that I've just been looking into other resources I've just been challenging myself to be like okay something about just fashion and hair what else is out there for for me to learn and trust me I've been watching people at the Food Network I have been listening a lot to gospel music I'm a Christian and I'm still really really like young and my walking with God but I'm trying to get there I'm trying to build my relationship with God I've been listening to sermons and you know I'm series by other young like series of purpose and series with the depth especially things to do with relationships and that kind of thing and I linked those things down below to you but I just wanted to let you know guys I'm tired of of blogging I know it's been two and a half years or maybe for watching this maybe well YouTube maybe 10 years ago and yet that car you have a long way to go before you start feeling like you can't quit but when I say I'm quitting belonging I wanna quit the facade I wanna quit that or I'm hanging on to so and so because you know she's popular and I'm popular and we need to look like we have you know we're good friends on online media but if honestly there's no Instagram she wouldn't even be my friend you know and and I want to quit that posturing and I want to free myself to discuss topics with you that are close to my heart you guys know I write a lot and many of you have read my blog then you know well my blog down below if you've never read my blog before but I want to write more to you from my heart I want us to have a real conversation about life you know about falling for some guy and then falling out of love with him and then falling in love again again or you know getting a child out of wedlock or you know getting scared on your first day of your this big corporate job or or messing up or failing or you know weight loss journeys or how do you build your career I really want us to to talk about the deeper things that matter to us and not just believe that life is about the latest makeup palette you know the latest shop and and top and piece of makeup and fashion trend you know but that there's so much more to life than just the physical you know how beautiful you can make yourself be you know the the length of the lashes you can put on you know that the leaves and the weeks of the extensions and the shoes and the fact and the perfumes trust me I'm into that I'm such a great girl look at my room it's completely full of all the most feminine things of my wardrobe is chock-full of shoes and clothes and all of that but I want us to have a deeper so I hope that I hope that you can take something away from this video and my point is that sometimes you know just give yourself a break like the ala learning we're all so imperfect you know there's things about my stuff there's some things I think my friends are involved my friends and I'm like oh my gosh that was such a mean thing to say you know there's so many aspects of myself and my character that I want to grow and the one that I want to develop you know so I want to be less consumed or I want to be conversations that are less consumed about our external appearances that all means let's meet Blake Queens and all of that but at the same time let's be working as hard to build ourselves out of young women of substance and you know let's take time to develop those other inner areas as well you know read good books watch good YouTube videos spend time of social media you know volunteering spend some time in church you know come up with a project you know run your business on the side you know diversify the aspects of yourself that make you so uniquely you you know a journal and write and and all of that and and hold yourself high because you're so unique you're so special you're so you're so amazing there's no one on this planet with a story and a history like yours you know so far you yourself as a young woman you know endeavor to make the best decisions for yourself even when they're tough you know endeavor to believe that you've made the best decisions for yourself even when they're tough so anyway guys all I'm saying is I don't even know if this video since then but I just felt like I just wanted to be Cynthia with you guys that I struggle I doubt myself I am wondering if this is the right thing I should be doing is every young youtubers maybe pursuing you know other things in life and you know I'm struggling as well but everyday I am wanting to make the best decision for myself and wanting to grow and wanting to live an authentic life and wanting to create a life that is very deliberate and very you know self-aware you know and present in the very moment that I mean right now and I really wish that for you to be the same so uh anyway that's it from me please leave me your thoughts your comments and your questions down in the comment section below as always thank you for being a part of my journey thank you for encouraging me this far I think it was last week and not come to Buddha bar now you guys who live in Arabi know where Buddha bars and it was my friend's birthday and literally like ten of my readers came out to me and they're like oh my god are you crazy yelling I'm like yes very yellow and just that encouragement and knowing that there's real people out there that watch this and I are touched by this or are inspired really keeps me going as well because it gets hard running a blog takes a lot of time and money and effort but I just want us to be real I want you to be like with me you can be real with me you can be sincere and I want you to give yourself a break and and endeavor to live the best life that you can by your own standards and if you're a Christian by God's standards as well Jimmy that's it from me I'm gonna sign off now but thanks for watching and I will see you in my next video


  • Ade Johns

    Hi….I was also tired of being what others wanted and not what I had to be. Life is more than all the distractions….stay blessed and have fun at it!

  • Junie Njeru

    Clearly my favorite blogger. I love your depth. I love writing too and I’ve been doing so on medium. I’d recommend it because it has the kind of conversations I think you’d like. It’s a writers scene not a bloggers scene per say and it’s mature and has helped me figure out some of my relationship struggles and keep me busy and engaged by reading great material. Also am 25 with two kids of my partner of five years and although I have a great family I have not been successful getting stable work despite my achievements and qualifications. I just wanted to share that because it seems maybe that’s an area you’re receiving pressure in (family marriage etc) but like you said we’re all struggling in one way or another, so whatever’s challenging you now shall pass and I’ve realized with every stumbling block put in our way we need to be patient and trust in God’s chosen path for us because we all belong somewhere and God is making that place especially for us.if you’d like to connect with me as a writer/blogger ( I blogged on WordPress for nearly 4 years and took a hiatus for a year then turned to Medium) we can discuss and build each other. I love your posts, they encourage me. All the best.

  • GreatWall OfMexico

    Your makeup is PERFECT for your color. Wow! Looks really pretty. God bless your journey. Go with your heart. Take a break. You can come back later. You're loved!

  • sherry phillips

    Wow, you have sooo touched my spirit, your blessing are coming in your truth. Thanks for vulnerability and honesty
    God Bless

  • Elizabeth Ogutu

    Hi Tabitha! Am so grateful to you for being brave enough to share this with us! Personally I have also been having similar issues and am happy that we can now have conversations pertaining to this. Let's do this!

  • Loise Kinuthia

    Just saw this,so much truth and bravery .Personally it was inspiring to watch this video. Love you even more. God bless you lots and lots in your life.

  • Eve

    stay authentic. there's a lot of empty material out there. I'm not sure why our generation seems to celebrate shallowness…we need more people like you. so keep it up beautiful and try yoga and meditation, it does wonders for your body and soul.

  • Carolinen100

    So, I just subscribed to your channel a few hours ago because I just came across you😀 (funny, right? Like I was just on YouTube and saw a video from you and just clicked and here I am!) I haven’t watched any of your hair videos because I have mostly had natural hair all my life (except when I became a Flight attendant – still am and have seen the lovely things you said about my airline, Qatar Airways – and relaxed it for work, but am now back to natural) but am trying to go back to school for my masters after flying around the world for over 5 years. And I found your videos about university life in UK, US and Aussie very valuable. Also when I found out that you used to be in my old high school, I became even more hooked! That aside, this video right here is very inspiring. I quit social media for a while this year. Only my instagram is up but I don’t log daily and am gonna look for you and follow. I feel a little confused with the path I want to follow in terms of what my friends would call quitting a well paying and luxurious job and getting broke as a student 👩🏾‍🎓 and I very much identify with this video. Am trying I take a day at time and hopefully will be enrolled in school soon because I don’t want to turn 50 still “seeing the world.” Also, it takes courage not to compare oneself to others in terms of marriage, school, investments etc in today’s world. I very much identify. Keep being inspiring and wish you the best in the future that I intend to walk and learn along with you. I shall check out your blog too about what you posted in the past

  • Fatima Farmer

    You're gorgeous! Love your content. I just made a similar video the other day. Thanks for sharing ❤️

  • Trevor Jason

    Thanks for being honest. It takes courage. Follow what your heart is saying. I write about my passion & I am so fulfilled. You have to be your first Fan before you reach others. All the best.

  • Pentecost Day

    By the way this video has been amazing because you have spoken from the deepest depths of your heart. you have been yourself and that's what makes you very very unique. God created you very unique. you don't have to be someone else, because God made you you, and never made you someone else but you. so that you can work on the YOU, and be the best of you. when you are the best of you, no one can compete, compare himself or herself with you. when you are the best of you. because they's only you (one Tabitha YOU) in this world that God made. you are unique and special as you. you your own self. you are blessed. Have a blessed weekend in Jesus name. Hope to hear back from you. Numbers 6:24-26.

  • Pentecost Day

    I would like to talk to you personally. if you would let me do so by God's grace. here is my email: [email protected] or WhatsApp me on my US number: 1(816)466-2917.
    I am a minister of the gospel here in the US and I feel strongly to talk to you. please contact me.

  • Pentecost Day

    What I have would advice you is letting someone run it for you whenever you are tired or drained out, get someone to help you sometimes, even Jesus had helpers, you need people or a person to help you, but never give up. Everytime you want to give up in anything you started, always think of the reasons why you started anything. Don't give up, but seek for help at times, but do not give up.By the way you look so beautiful and georgious.

  • Rhena Adhis

    Thank you Tabitha, i say again, thank you for this video, it is the one that has shown me that you are real, it is the video that got me to subscribe. I first heard of you when i read your interview on Eve magazine earlier this year and then i checked out your blog and i didn't quite feel like i'd be an ardent reader so i checked you out on Youtube and saw the video living and working in Australia and gave up because i was like, i live in Kenya and don't see how this will be relevant. So i clicked on this video today and the realness got me subscribing. I'm in my 30s and still going through quarter life crisis

  • A. J.

    Thank you for sharing with us. Thank you for always being genuine, classy, and positive. You can't compare apples with oranges. You're among the best natural hair volggers. I love the way you present yourself to us. AND, yellow is such a therapeutic color so thank you for introducing that to us as well 🌻🌻🌻🌻

  • Jeanette Jazz

    This video is one of the most authentic I have seen. Let’s get into deeper topics and talk about life – actual life. Let’s be vulnerable, open, genuine, real. Thank you Tabitha 💛 We are young women of substance like you said.

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