• Subway Coronavirus Precautions, Dinosaur DNA, and Twitter’s Fleets Feature | The Daily Show
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    Subway Coronavirus Precautions, Dinosaur DNA, and Twitter’s Fleets Feature | The Daily Show

    The coronavirus. The disease is now officially in 85 countries, and it has over 95,000 confirmed cases. And it’s the reason even white people have switched to the fist bump. “And explode.” Now, here in New York, because the city is so crowded, the risk of coronavirus is especially dangerous. Because, you see, if corona can make it here, it can make it anywhere. (laughter) And that’s why city officials are taking action. NEWSWOMAN: The MTA stepping up its cleaning efforts to prevent the spread of the coronavirus on public transit. Workers are disinfecting 427 subway stations, wiping down the turnstiles, handrails and ticket vending machines daily. In addition to…

  • Trump Takes India | The Daily Show
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    Trump Takes India | The Daily Show

    President Donald Trump– still not used to saying that. Last night, he flew 8,000 miles for his first state visit to India. Now, Trump’s in India partly to negotiate a trade deal, and partly to get his copy of the Kama Sutra signed. Yeah, Trump and Melania use that book all the time. Her favorite position is the one where she’s on top, -and he’s not in the room. -(laughter) Now, you might be wondering how would a country full of brown people react to a visit from Donald Trump? Well, it turns out, from the moment Trump arrived, it was love at first sight. President Trump just arrived this…

  • Harry & Meghan Shed Titles, Harvey Weinstein Convicted & Coronavirus Goes to Italy | The Daily Show
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    Harry & Meghan Shed Titles, Harvey Weinstein Convicted & Coronavirus Goes to Italy | The Daily Show

    The royal family. They’re like the Kardashians, but less welcoming to black people. It’s been a month since Harry and Meghan announced that they wanted to leave the family, and now, they’ve been told that they’re free to go, but they got to leave their name tags behind. MAN: Harry and Meghan will soon be royals no more, at least publicly. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex released new details about their plan to step down from formal royal duties, including an agreement with the queen to not use the world “royal” in any future philanthropic or commercial pursuits. Though they will formally retain their “royal highness” titles, they will…

  • Coronavirus Hits America – Is This How We Die? | The Daily Show
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    Coronavirus Hits America – Is This How We Die? | The Daily Show

    Let’s talk about the coronavirus. According to WebMD, you already have it. Now, every day, we learn more about how this virus is affecting the world. So let’s check in on the latest coronavirus news in our ongoing segment, Is This How We Die? -♪ ♪ -(cheering and applause) Last week, we learned that coronavirus has been making its way through Europe like a trust fund kid on a gap year. And after throwing Italy into chaos, the next stop on the trip is Paris. Uh, big changes in France today. The number of cases there has nearly doubled to 100. The government there really taking some pretty extreme measures.…

  • Bernie Surges & Biden Spins a South African Arrest Tale | The Daily Show
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    Bernie Surges & Biden Spins a South African Arrest Tale | The Daily Show

    This weekend, Las Vegas saw two of the craziest knockouts of all time: Wilder versus Fury and Bernie versus everyone. -(chanting): Bernie! -NEWSWOMAN: This morning, feeling the Bern. Bernie Sanders dominating in Nevada. Sanders not only taking the Silver State but besting his rivals among Latinos, winning both men and women, college and noncollege graduates and even scoring votes from moderates. -(chanting): Bernie! Bernie! -I am a U.S. senator, and I got a big ego, and I appreciate the “Bernie.” But it ain’t Bernie. It is us. (cheering) Damn, Bernie is really committed to socialism, right? Even when the crowd is trying to cheer for him, he wants to share…

  • The Daily Show Podcast Universe – Podcast Today | The Daily Show
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    The Daily Show Podcast Universe – Podcast Today | The Daily Show

    – [Trevor] Are you a busy person who’s always on the go? This next podcast is for you. No bull, no filler, just news and analysis that’s straight to the point. No beating around the bush, no wasting your time, no repetition. We know you’re a busy person who’s always on the go. This next podcast is for you. Buckle your seat belts. Desi Lydic and Michael Kosta present, Podcast Today. (upbeat music) – [Michael] Hello, and welcome to Podcast Today, where we cut through the noise and bring you real talk about what’s happening today. – [Desi] I’m Desi Lydic. – [Michael] I’m Michael Kosta. – [Desi] Before we…

  • Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #10
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    Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #10

    Watching Hugh Grant and his Stuttering pathetic charm is as Appealing to me as closing my Scrotum in a DVD case. Are these real or do you Make them up to be especially nasty? Kate Hudson is a dead-eyed Trash bag that smells like low tide. Greg Kinnear Stars in holy [BLEEP] who Gives a [BLEEP] coming soon. Chris Evans is a stupid Bearded sweater wearing dumb Dork. Melissa McCarthy is the Medea of white people. Jane Lynch had bigger [BLEEP] than Ultimate Warrior. Norman Reedus, I can fit two Firsts and a leg in my [BLEEP]. Hit me up. Okay. I’ll do it. Tongue punch in the fart box…

  • Trump Taunts Cory Booker On Twitter After The Candidate Suspends His Campaign
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    Trump Taunts Cory Booker On Twitter After The Candidate Suspends His Campaign

    ( LAUGHTER ) OVER THE WEEKEND, IRAN FINALLY ADMITTED TO ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTING DOWN A UKRAINIAN PASSENGER JET. IN PROTEST, IRANIANS HAVE TAKEN TO THE STREETS TO EXPRESS THEIR OUTRAGE AT BOTH THE DOWNING AND THE LYING ABOUT IT. TO SUPPORT THE PROTESTERS, TRUMP TWEETED IN BOTH ENGLISH AND FARSI, “TO THE LEADERS OF IRAN– DO NOT KILL YOUR PROTESTERS. THOUSANDS HAVE ALREADY BEEN KILLED OR IMPRISONED BY YOU, AND THE WORLD IS WATCHING. MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE U.S.A. IS WATCHING. TURN YOUR INTERNET BACK ON AND LET REPORTERS ROAM FREE!” (AS TRUMP) IT’S SO TRUE, REPORTERS DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT, WHETHER THEY’RE FROM THE FAILING “NEW YORK TIMES” OR…

  • Mean Tweets – Music Edition #6
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    Mean Tweets – Music Edition #6

    >>BILLIE EILISH DRESS LIKE SHE GOT HER CLOTHES STOLEN AT THE GYM SO THEY GAVE HER WHAT THEY HAD IN THE LOST AND FOUND.>>THEY LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE A WHITE VAN WITH “FREE CANDY” WRITTEN ON THE SIDE.>>IT’S A BLACK VAN.>>SOULLESS, PURPOSELESS, VIRTUOUS SELL-OUT. NICE DORITOS COMMERCIAL YOU PIECE OF [ BLEEP ]. THERE’S PEOPLE THAT DON’T LIKE ME? WHAT THE [ BLEEP ].>>I’D RATHER LISTEN TO A BARN FULL OF BABY PIGS BEING VACCINATED THAN LUKE BRYAN’S NEW SONG. I HAVE VACCINATED BABY PIGS. AND THAT’S AWFUL.>>HOW CRAZY ARE YOU ON A SCALE OF ONE TO PERRY FERRELL. OH. OUT OF 100% PERRY FERRELL.>>WHY DOES TREY COOL FROM GREENDAY…

  • Getting to Know Bernie Sanders | The Daily Show
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    Getting to Know Bernie Sanders | The Daily Show

    – Bernie Sanders. He’s become famous as the guy fighting against the millionaires and billionaires. (“Dog on Fire”) – Hi, I’m Bernie Sanders, I’m running for president. Our campaign is about taking on the powerful special interests that dominate our economic and political life. I’m talkin’ about wall street, the health insurance companies, the drug companies, the fossil fuel industry, the military industrial complex, the private prison industry, and the large multinational corporations. – Oh, damn. (audience laughs) Yo, Bernie has entered the race. And did you hear his list of enemies? This guy doesn’t mess around. He didn’t come to play, he was like big banks, little banks, Tyra…