Why do I want to watch triggering stuff all the time? Twitter Thursday! #KatiFAQ | Kati Morton
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Why do I want to watch triggering stuff all the time? Twitter Thursday! #KatiFAQ | Kati Morton


– Hey everybody, happy Thursday. And because it’s Thursday
that means I’m on Twitter. And it’s almost Friday, hooray! Cause I’ve been tired this
week, I don’t know why. I guess actually it’s just been
a long week with the filming and all the anxiety
build-up with that and then like it’s done and now I’m pooped. So anyway, I’ve been on
Twitter and you’ve asked your question using the hashtag KatiFAQ. I have found them and
I’m gonna answer them. But I only have three
questions today because I tend to make my videos really long. I’m trying to shorten them a little bit. And I have a journal topic at the end. So stay tuned for that. Okay, without further ado
my first question says “Kati, can you ask to go
to impatient for anorexia, or does someone else have to admit you? Do you have to meet all the criteria?” The first thing I wanna
talk about is the fact that it differs country to country. Now impatient in the States
is what I know the most about. Now for those of you who
are out of the country, can you let us know anything
that you know about how you get into an impatient or
residential treatment facility? Cause I’m not as well-versed in that. I know a lot of it has
to do with referrals and meeting criteria and stuff like that. But in the States the way
that it works at the two places that I’ve worked at is you call and you say you wanna come in. Now, the only … You don’t
have to meet any criteria other than the fact that
you have an eating disorder of some type and you
would like to get help. Now where you run into having
to meet certain criteria is for your insurance to cover it. And so, you’ll have to meet a criteria for one of the four eating disorders. That being anorexia, bulimia,
binge eating disorder, or EDNOS which is now
called something else. But it’s still the same type of criteria. So as long as you fall into
one of those categories you’re most likely to get coverage. Now I know EDNOS is sometimes
hard to get coverage for because it’s kind of that
bucket that I talk about for when you have a bunch
of different behaviors that fit into all sorts of
different eating disorders. And insurances like to
be assholes and be like “No, we’re not gonna cover it.” And so as a therapist I’ve
done many calls to insurance where I get it covered by stating it … You know they’re doing
this ‘x’ amount of times and they’re also doing
this and that’s why they don’t fit either of those criteria quite. But they definitely really struggle and I haven’t had any trouble
getting that covered, okay? So I hope that answers your questions. I know it’s kind of a two-parter. You can get inpatient treatment if you don’t have to worry about insurance. And if you do have to
worry about insurance you do have to meet some
kind of criteria, okay? Question #2: Hey Kati,
my question for you is, is it normal for your appetite to increase when starting recovery? Good question! As I’ve started eating, I
didn’t feel hungry at all. But now only a few hours
after eating I’m beginning to feel really hungry and wanting
more food, is this normal? I’ve found that I’m a lot
more hungry throughout the day even though I ate more. I used to go almost all day without food and I didn’t even feel hungry at all. But now only a few hours after eating and I’m getting to feel hungry
again and wanting more food. Is this normal? And this really scares
my clients and makes them really stressed and anxious. Yes, it’s normal. And the reason for this is, our
body, when we don’t feed it, goes into kind of a starvation mode. And it honestly believes
that sending you that hunger signal is a waste of energy. Why tell it when it
doesn’t think we can get it food and we haven’t given it food. Our bodies are really adaptable. So instead of spending
the energy doing that, they try to conserve energy and kind of go into this like hibernation mode where we do the least amount of
things that we have to do. Now when we start eating again, our metabolism starts to
kick in and we’re hungry. Every couple hours we need food like a regular eating person, like myself. I’m hungry every … I mean
Sean can voutch the fact I’m hungry every three like three hours. Yeah, unless I have like a huge
meal maybe four hours then. But I’m hungry all the
time because my metabolism is going and I’m doing all these things and my brain is working all day, which honestly uses a lot of energy. And yeah, it’s very normal. Know that you’re listening to
your body and that’s great. You’re noticing that you’re
hungry which is amazing. And use the intuitive eating kind of scale where you rank how hungry you are. And make sure you’re
eating when you’re … You know start planning food
when you’re at like a five. Or a four, and make sure
you’re eating around that. And then working your way
back up to like a 7 or an 8. Where you’re kind of comfortably full. And it might be good to
work with your dietician to have like three meals and three snacks. Cause I myself even
find that very helpful. Cause those snacks kinda
get me through to meals. Otherwise I feel like I’m
always trying to find food. And I just, it doesn’t
work, so you know … Dried fruit and nuts and
bringing apple or banana or all sorts of goodies
like that that are easy. Or yogurt, I eat a lot of
yogurt, and granola bars and stuff like that are
good in the meantime. And so yes, it’s normal. Breathe, talk to your
therapist and your dietician about it and just let them know. But yeah, you’re body’s healing
and that’s actually really good news, that means your
metabolism is up and running okay Question #3: Hey Kati, great job on TV. Oh, thanks, I actually felt like, I know I stuttered at the beginning. They don’t give you any time to be like “Well, uh” Cause I was
gonna say there’s a lot to take into consideration but it’s like “What’s your opinion, and tell me now!” So I felt kind of silly at that point. When we watched it I was like “Oh my god.” But thanks you guys for all your support. Quick question, why do we
watch triggering things? It’s almost like I want to
self harm or puke, thanks. We watch it as a way to … There’s a couple things. Everybody’s different,
right, so if you have a different experience,
always let me know. But we do it for a couple of reasons. Number one, being that we
like to know we’re not alone. So we’ll watch things with
other people doing it to be like “Yeah, I understand” and also
it can feel really calming. We usually do these behaviors
as a way to cope, right? We talk about this a lot, like
if our emotions are feeling really overwhelming, we’re
using these things being like self-harming, binging,
purging, exercising, whatever we do, we’re use
those as a way to deal with it. And so watching people do
it can be calming as well. And it’s almost like it triggers
that same part in our brain They call it the reward
system of the brain and give us that same
probably endorphin rush or whatever it is,
adrenaline, whatever it is that we get out of the actual behavior. We get a little bit of
that by just watching it. And so we tend to trigger ourselves a lot because we crave it, and so … I would encourage you, if you’re able, to cut back maybe twenty minutes a day of watching that kind of stuff or, as soon as you notice “Hey,
why am I watching all this?” Maybe we should ‘x’ out of
that and maybe get off the internet for good hour or so just to try to lessen the amount cause
we all know it does end up triggering us and it does end
up sometimes causing us to do the behaviors that we’re
trying to fight against. But yeah, it’s very normal. Know that a lot of people do that and it’s because of that kind of
reward system in our brain and that we crave that feeling. Now, my journal topic
today is one of my own and someone sent me one
on twitter and I saved it in my little journal topic folder so I will use it at a later time. I am addicted to this song,
“Am I Wrong?” it’s called. By Nico Ivenz or something
like that I think. The lyrics are fricken amazing and I think that it could do us all a
little good to listen to it. I love the fact that he talks
about like, the whole … If you haven’t heard the song, he says “Am I wrong for thinking that
we could be something real?” And he’s not talking about a relationship, he’s talking about himself. We each have a chance
to be something real, we can make a change, we
can think outside the box, we can do more than we ever thought. And he talk about that,
and it’s so motivating. And he rambles off a bunch
of things, and he’s just like “That’s just how I feel,
that’s just how I feel.” And it’s so powerful for
us to que into how we feel. I’m pissed off, I’m frustrated,
I’m sad, I’m whatever. I would encourage each of you today to journal about how you feel. What is it? Am I excited, am I happy, am I enthralled, am I pissed off, am I just enraged? What is it that I feel? And then just own it, it’s
okay to feel that way. We all have feelings and the
better we get at expressing them and getting okay
with them, and knowing that they’re just part of our lives, the better able we’ll be to manage them. We won’t find the need to
use other things to cope, and that song is just, crank
it up in your car and jam out. That’s what I’ve been
doing, so I hope you enjoy. I will see you all tomorrow,
cause it’s finally Friday. And I’ll be on Facebook so
ask your questions there. Bye!

100 Comments

  • maggers143

    I watch a lot of triggering thing or read a lot of triggering things because it is something I know. It feel kinda close to me, if that makes sense. Ive been trying to recover so by watching or reading it…it almost tricks my brain into thinking im the person thats doing it. Thats just me.

  • Lena B

    Thank you for another helpful video:) I'm graduating high school next week and your videos have really helped me through this past year. One topic I wish you'd do more videos on is grief. I have my grad ceremony coming up and it'll be hard graduating without my friend. Any advice for making it through tough days/events like this?

  • Hanna Carter

    From my experience re: eating disorder treatment and or admission to an EDU in the UK the first person you see is your GP who, if you fit the criteria, refers you onto any of the following: Community Eating Disorder Services (CEDS), Community Mental Health Services (CMHS), Community Adolescence Mental Health Service (CAMHS), General/Acute hospital ward admission or mental health psychiatric ward admission, this is because most GPs don't have direct access to the admissions assessments required for direct admittance to an EDU, however the above services/hospitals do. Once you are under the above's care and they have carried out their assessments they will make a care plan which may involve admittance to an EDU.
    There is also an Urgent/Unplanned admissions provision for those with rapidly declining health to go either directly to an EDU or firstly to an Acute Medical Ward in a general hospital to stabilise your physical health before you are transferred/admitted to an EDU. These emergency admissions are usually instigated by CEDS/CMHS/CAMHS as you are most likely already under their services, however it can be via your GP who will send you immediately to A&E who then, in discussion with your health care professionals and provision directors, decide what the appropriate hospital provision for your immediate needs are: directly to an EDU or Physical health intervention at a general hospital and then an EDU. In the UK we are really fortunate to have free healthcare so I think thats why we seem to have a different means of access rather than contacting EDUs directly. I hope that it all makes sense!

  • MajaMayhem

    In terms of inpatient treatment for Anorexia, it really depends on the place itself. For example, (i live in Australia) at the beginning of the year, i was admitted to an Anorexia Nervosa inpatient treatment program thing at a major hospital. I didn't meet the criteria as i wasn't underweight, but i was referred by my youth health nurse. The hospital kind of took me on as a "lets see if this helps even though we're not fit to properly help you". So even if you dont meet the criteria for the specific inpatient program, depending on how limited the beds are, they may still be able to take you on.

  • Christelle

    Such a relief to know that it's normal to suddenly start getting hungry when you start eating again. It's really been scaring me. Struggling with it a lot. Love your vids. Thanks Kati!

  • JustARandomOnTheWeb

    I live in Australia. The main ED centre in my state only offers the in-patient program for anorexia, the out-patient program is only for bulimia, EDNOS and possibly BED (not super sure about BED) 

  • JustARandomOnTheWeb

    Oh and in Australia you have to have a referral from a doctor to get in to any form of treatment program for an ED

  • Emma

    Love your videos 🙂 Your answer to the last question basically explained to me why I (and many others) like to watch documentaries and movies about eating disorders! I never realised why I really liked it but it is calming and it really does hit that reward part of the brain!!! 🙂 🙂

  • Chloe Appleby

    I'm from England and here you have to be referred and meet all the criteria to go to an NHS facility (NHS is England's free National Health Service for anyone wondering). Because funding is so tight (and the government are cutting NHS funding even more) you can only get referred if your case is really severe, so sometimes even if you meet all of the criteria you won't get into an inpatient facility and will have to wait months or even years. However if you go through private healthcare you can admit yourself to an inpatient facility, and it's pretty easy to get in because so few people actually have private healthcare.

  • njdinostar

    Wow! I am so happy you answered the question about watching triggering stuff! I find myself watching triggering things sometimes and I beat myself up about even clicking it because I know it will be triggering and make me feel even worse. But with your explanation it makes sense. I will still try to stop when I find myself watching it again, but I can now try to not beat myself up about it. Thank you!! (Sometimes I am afraid that watching your videos might be triggering, that I might want to be more sick again – like I used to be – just so I would belong somewhere and all your advice would still be applicable to me. I am happy to notice more and more that even without being sick again there are still things I can learn/consider/think about thanks to you(r channel)!!

  • Beccy231

    In the UK you have to go to your GP for a referral to a clinic or an organisation that helps you. If your worried about someone who isn't eating and is seriously under weight and who doesn't want to help you can go on behalf of them and they can issue a sectioning order where they are put into a clinic until they are better

  • Ana B

    Especially when I'm in a bad relapse, I find that I trigger myself just because I know that feeling triggered will keep me from eating, which is what ed is trying to get me to do.

  • EleanorRealOne

     I also watch films with emotional abuse which I used to think made me a "bad" person. Its actually to normalise our experience…*ugh abusive people do all the harm and the people who are abused get the pain a million times over". I feel sorry for my younger self..

  • cat c

    Kati, in Scotland (so I assume UK) you have to have someone put, in my case I had to go into heart failure, survive (just), because of that I was sectioned, i was a general psych ward for 3mths in NG before they realised they were killing me and i was literally about to die, THEN they sent me to an EDU

  • Kiki Claw

    In the netherlands so far in my experience, you have to get a referal from your doctor, and before they really test you for one specific thing, you, your parents/family, and a teacher at your school have to fill in a form about your feelings and behaviour so that they can try to find out if other mental health disorders are going on aswell.

  • Georgina louise

    I watch your videos and other documentaries. Thats so interesting, Now I know why I enjoy watching videos when I feel depressed!

  • horselover7216

    hi @Kati Morton so I know his has nothing to do with this but here goes…
    Okay it may have something to do with this video….
    Oh god when I'm thinking of what to say my mind goes all blank… um… what to say….
    okay so um.. I'm nineteen years old and I apparently have BPD :'(
    really confusing because I always thought that it was depression and I wasn't even there when they made the diagnosis…
    anyway I feel really low and confused all the time :'(
    I'm crying and all I want to do is lay in bed all day :'(
    I hate my weight but because I buy and cook for myself I have like a load of food in the fridge that will go out of date :'(
    I'm always feeling like people are watching me or are talking about me…
    one minute I like you and the next I hate you…
    now I've decided that if I can't commit suicide or not eat and self harm just doesn't seem enough anymore that I would completely cut myself off…
    so I have and I can't stop crying :'(
    okay I kind off have… I was speaking to my friend who loves me and was explaining and he tried his best to stop me but nothing could stop me…
    I live in a supported living place so I don't really have a choice to speak or not…
    plus I'm going on holiday soon with my family so yeah…
    but still :'(
    all I want to do is die and I seem to look up all these triggering videos…

  • brendaeileen

    That hunger question. Oh man was that ever stressful when just starting to eat. I used to panic if I felt hunger Id go 2 days without eating anything but seeds just to feel in control again, So learning not to flee from the hunger was tough. I still detest how I am hungry.  I miss the days of control, when I was repulsed by food. I have just learnt complacency in being bigger. Well mostly, I may be slipping.

  • Shelbi Rye

    I think I watch triggering stuff as an excuse to do the behavior. An excuse to say "oh well now I'm teiggered. I have to do it now."

  • Laura's Life Dog Training & Dog Vlogs

    In UK ,firstly you need to be referred by GP to shrink who then evaluates your weight . I believe you need to be below a certain weight. I was an nutty house on food disorders ward and no one was allowed to move unless everyone ate all their food ,which was an absurd amount of calories. That so called recovery breeds resentment from others .

  • D C

    In the uk you cannot admit yourself to hospital, there needs to be a referral however with privet care I'm sure you'd be able too.

  • gkflfkgl

    Thanks for all your help full videos. The headline of this video totally fits to me, I also often watch triggerging video about self harm but I never thought about it. Really good point.

  • Chantale Paruit

    In the UK, you can ask to be admitted to an ED inpatient unit. You just have to ask your psychiatrist/CPN/doctor/social worker & explain why you think it will help.

  • Steph Powell

    In the UK there is definitely no 'admit self' option. You go to your GP and they refer you to outpatient usually and then the ED clinic will decided if you need to go inpatient depending on how severe your ed is. I'm bulimic and was purging over 8 times a.day for over 6 months and still wasn't given inpatient.
    It is rare that you are admitted for any eating disorder other than Ana, you can be but it is rare. Most people with ed's also have other issues like depression and will mostly end up on psychiatric wards.

  • Steph Powell

    @Kati Morton Hya. My question is so weird so apologies.
    I've had bulimia since I was 14 and binged/purged about 3-5 times a day, a lot more in uni. I had gastric bypass surgery at 25 years old and as a result, I can't purge anymore, unless I literally eat over the toilet and purge straight away.
    I thought the surgery would be a good way of getting over my ed but now I am desperate all the time to Purge again and my eating is still out of control. I still binge (on much smaller amounts) but struggle to Purge so I can't get any relief.
    I just finished 40 weeks of ED out patient therapy but don't seem any better. My self esteem is through the floor and I just want to be able to Purge again. I can't lose weight I can't do anything right?

    I don't know where to go from here?

  • Ecila xo

    In Sweden, you call the psychiatric emergency, you talk to a nurse and tell them you need help and wants to see a doctor right away. The nurse decides if they drive out to pick you up (in a normal car, not ambulance) or if you are in a state to get there by yourself. After you arrive, depending on the number of other patients, you sit down with a nurse that sits with you until you get to see the Dr.
    If the Dr, based on the conversation, think's you need inpatient care – she or he will ask you IF YOU want to be inpatient. They can't just lock you up without your consent (if there isn't a court order where the state thinks you are a danger to yourself, but that is a whole law regarding that.). If you want to be an outpatient, you just ask to see the Dr, and anyhow you can just walk away if you like.
    In Sweden, you pay about 8 dollars/day for inpatient care. Seeing a Dr/therapist about 10 dollars/each time, until you've reached a total amount of 95 dollars/year, then you get a "free card" for all your appointments. All drugs/pills you might need during 1 year will never be a total amount over 150 dollars (after you paid that amount, it's free too).

  • AshGrant

    In the UK, getting inpatient is a very rare and length process as there are so much criteria you have to fit. They only take in girls with anorexia and due to shortage of beds only the sickiest get in, your GP or ED Outpatient team won't consider inpatient unless you are below BMI 15 and have serious health complications as a result of it. It's all down to not enough government funding which is frustrating as there are so many other suffering just as much but because they aren't on death's door, the medical staff won't do anything. In Scotland there are only a handful of ED Units and in them there are only 10 beds and they can only provide refeeding and can't afford the resources to use psychological treatment for the girls in the unit. it's basically just focussed on gaining weight and that can feel overwhelming and triggering for people recovering. it's a mental illness and there needs to be more funding towards it so that care can improve!!

  • Sinead Baker

    #katifaq I have tried to stop watching things but I can't do it I don't know how and I'm getting better at recovery I feel even though I am cutting 5-6 times a day. I often do it badly and I'm wanting to know why

  • Alex Reid

    I never go to my therapist because I kind of hate her, but I'm only 14 so it's hard to get a new one without asking. And I have social anxiety so that's difficult… But now I'm not getting any help because I refuse to go. I don't know what to do.

  • Tabea Li

    I know that this probably sounds really crazy but I feel like I am addicted to SH so sometimes I dont actually feel that sad or desperate or whatever but I still feel the urge to cut and so I watch triggering videos/pictures that make me feel sad because seeing people self-harming makes me sad and because I then am sad, I have a reason to self harm…I know its dumb.

  • Joseph charlie

    My GP has refured me to a NHS therapy team and say in there to recover from anorexia but I believe that I don't have a problem, I don't want to recover and that everyone else is the problem! What does these mean?!

  • Blessedmommy73

    when I go through refeeding, I always get this onset of pancreatic "overshooting" of insulin. From restricitng for so long, your pancreas reduces its output in insulin, and then when you refeed, it's like the pancreas overworks, which means I'd have a low blood sugar issue after 3-4 hours of eating. This usually happens within 3 to 4 weeks of treatment and can last a few months. So if some are hungry, it might be an actual low blood sugar issue and you do need to eat to correct that.

  • Clay E Albers

    #katifaq If my anxiety all think about most of day do u have anxiety disorder?I feel tired of waiting for diagnosis I feel already have self-diagnosis my with GAD.

  • S1R NA1LS

    if your in the UK your GP can refer you or you could refer yourself to mind or insight health care, there could be more but these are the ones that helped me it's free and funded by the NHS they will help you with ANYTHING and if they can't they will refer you to someone that can. hope your well.

  • Rose B.

    In The Netherlands it is very hard to go inpatient. For anorexia or other mental illnesses. When your body is in danger (anorexia by example) you go to the GP first and then to the hospital. You stay there until you reached the safe critera. It can last 1 day until a couple of weeks. But not long. Then you go home and wait wait wait for help and have to call, email and do a lot to get yourself help from an help centre. Waiting list are very long here, so the most time you are stuck at home and become worse and then you finally get help. When your suicidal you call the GP and he sends you to the crisis centre. That can speeds things up a little…
    You are happy when you are 'in' the help centre, there are some more options to get helpt, but it is always hard to find 'your way' for help.

    Have a good day!

    #katifaq

  • Out of the Dust

    Re: Triggering Stuff/Poking the Bruise.
    I alway like watching SVU, and even Kati-Vids, because it makes me feel like there are people out there, especially generally healthy and whole people, who care about people like me. It's not so much about watching the events that happen, it's about watching the aftermath and responses from caring people. I watch because I want to be seen.

  • Aunie Sauce

    Katie, I'm a quiet follower… this video was SO helpful. Your question #3 is me to a T. I appreciate your content so much. I'm working my way through each of your videos and watch them while I get ready in the mornings. Thank you for all you do!!

  • Lyra Williams

    Kati, is there a difference between atypical anorexia and osfed? I was diagnosed with atypical anorexia… really confused!! thank you xxx

  • Caucasian African

    I like that you sometimes allude to your on "anxiety". Even you must cope with issues, like much of your audience :- ; it make people feel like they're not so different.

  • MorganCatherine e

    I know nothing for SCOTLAND sorry 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿💗💗💗

  • Døbby!The PhanElf

    I have such a problem with watching/looking at triggering things. I even made an Instagram account dedicated to self harm, it was mainly to document how my scars heal etc for myself and to see other people's self harm but then a lot of people started to follow me and I started getting comments like 'I wish I could cut that deep' and 'your scars are so pretty'. Honestly it just made things worse, it was the first time my scars felt validated and I felt kind of motivated to keep cutting because all these people liked seeing my posts. I also felt pressured to cut deeper because I was seeing all these people who had actually cut to the bone and my cuts seemed insignificant in comparison, I went from 3 years of shallowish cuts (they bled and everything but weren't really gaping) to suddenly cutting to the fat, sometimes hitting veins, within weeks of starting that account. I guess I liked the fact that everyone there was going through similar things as me, no one was particularly judgemental and would actually listen to you if you wanted to talk to them. I haven't really used the account since November which is the last time I cut and part of me is itching to go back to it and self harm again, but at the same time I don't want the toxicity and negativity it brings.

    Anyway, it makes me feel a lot better that I'm not the only one that looks at triggering things!

  • lost-tears 25

    Regarding your third question, the reason I like to read triggering things is because it lets me live vicariously and/or I don’t feel the urge to act upon the behaviors if I’m reading about somebody else doing them. I don’t know if any of what I said makes sense but hopefully it does somewhat.

  • No Eye Deer

    In Canada, getting into a treatment facility is most always started by a. Family physician visit or Psychiatrist for a referral. Some will know of what programs are available, but its sometimes best to research them yourself. From there its a matter of meeting the criteria for admittance and wait lists.

  • Katlyn Constance Webber

    I would like you to cover the same question about watching triggering things, but with PTSD & rape trauma. I see myself sometimes watching things that trigger me. Sometimes it's because i feel numb, and would rather re-live. Sometimes i just don't understand what it is I'm getting out of it, but i am.

  • Abby Mihelic

    I trigger myself with drug related things all the time, but then I research it and remind myself why I stopped using.

  • Jess Lewis

    I often watch/listen to triggering things to get past an anxiety attack. I'll find myself super anxious but not anxious enough to start hyperventilating and such, so I'll find something to actually trigger that attack so it can happen and be over with so I can feel like I actually got through it.

  • Jinxed Luck

    Is there any Inpaitent houses for self harm? I know they have some for addiction rehab and self harm is a kind of addiction, right?

  • Pfin Hulk

    Thanks! I loved the song when I was around 5th or 6th class, or maybe 7th, but my english was so bad that I only understood the words "am I wrong" but that was enough. But I forgot it when the radio stopped playing it often… I didn't have a Handy/Computer to play it, my parents' comuter was just for working. Wow, now I am at the end of school, just one year left if I don't want to repeat a schoolyear…
    And so much has changed in all this time… Much got better, some problems got dangerously worse. But I hope they'll vanish in 133 days when I get 18, but for that to happen, there's still some work to be done.

  • Outermost_Owl

    Thanks for covering this. I hate that I love reading triggering articles on facebook and yahoo, and I know why! It's why i take social media breaks. I have a lot of repressed feelings of anger and sadness when i encounter rude or unkind comments, a lot. And writing responses back alleviates those feelings and makes me feel heard, but only temporarily. The only thing that truly alleviates those feelings is when I try to take more control in my life in the areas that I can- creating new and positive influences and changes. Nothing I really do online will produce those same effects.

  • Jade Damboise Rail

    I'm in Canada and I went in for really bad anxiety. the psychiatrist who saw me was really nice and made it so I would get help right away. He could see I couldn't wait months for help so he admitted me under suicide watch so I would get treatment right away. I was having suicidal ideation and was self-harming. I maybe didn't entirely meet the criteria for being admitted with suicide watch so I guess sometimes you have to just really emphasize how bad things are to get immediate help. Don't downplay it. You deserve help right away, and if you have to be blatantly honest about how bad things are to get help, then do it.

  • Chrissy

    This is a very old video but I'd still like to share my experience.
    [TRIGGER WARNING: (child) sexual assault]
    I'm CSA victim and since a few years I've started to moderately trigger myself to somewhat get used to it being a normal topic for other people. I wanted to prepare myself for that so I don't have a breakdown as soon as people talk about things like that. I've started with series like Law & Order special victims unit, where it's never really graphic, and now sometimes when I feel like I can take it (which is rare but yknow) I can watch videos of other sexual assault victims too. There's still a lot to work on, for example the harsh r word still brings me into a weird state of panic meanwhile for some reason the words "sexual assault" are fine for me. I'm kinda proud of myself to do this kind of.. DIY exposure therapy lmao, since I'm still not ready to talk about it to a therapist still. But I feel like this whole "moderately triggering myself" has been a big help and hope it continues to be.

  • julie small

    #KFAQ Why does depression makes us feel like we should yell at other people? I know we were watching a movie last week at my school
    And we had a sub as a teacher, and some one was on my nerves, how do I not yell at people all the time? PLEASE HELP
    (I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS)

  • Dara Gwisin

    sometimes i watch things that trigger me or stay in triggering environments because otherwise i feel numb. for whatever reason i think that feeling triggered is better than feeling nothing. idk but ive gotten a lot better at leaving triggering situations and ignoring things that would set me off so that i dont have to respond negatively to those situations

  • David Tichborne

    seeing abuse on tv or YouTube does trigger me reminds me of my past abuse and so does seeing people cutting does trigger me and makes me have intrusive thoughts thank you Kati for telling us why we watch it

  • Vanessa Hope

    Whenever I go back into a depressive state, I listen to sad music and watch videos about depression. I don’t know why but it’s calming.

  • Lovey Mills

    Omg. I am hungry ALL of the time now that ive started recovery. My mother tells me i eat too much. Im like, no, im trying to replenish my body. Ive found it best for me if i break meals down into 4 medium meals and a snack before work instead of 3 bigger meals.

  • that one girl

    my favorite thing about Kati is when she's describing how brains work and the reasons behind certain behaviors, she uses the word "we." never "you." she includes herself in the description, includes everybody, because everyone's brain is CAPABLE of acting like this or that. she doesn't single us out, or make us feel "other." she says "we" and it groups us in with her, and normalizes it. i don't really know what i'm rambling about, i just really like that she's subtly breaking down the stigma of mental illness in the casual way she talks.

    She reminds me of a quote that I can't quite remember correctly? it's like… Be so much of yourself that others feel comfortable to do the same. It might not be "comfortable," it might be inspired, or confident. but yeah, that's what she reminds me of.

  • L A R I S S A

    I just spent my entire afternoon watching videos about anorexia nervosa and then this video is suggested to me haha thanks youtube

  • smol alien girl

    I have struggled with severe depression and suicidal thoughts for several years, and theres a lot of times where I find myself binging videos on YouTube or TV shows that talk about the topic. If theres a show or a movie where some attempts suicide or thinks about it, I will almost always watch it. And I've always wondered why I did it, but I think for me it calms me down a little bit to see someone else do it so that I dont have to. Like living that action and that pain through someone else. And sometimes it's just to feel less alone. To know I'm not the only person that has ever felt this way.

  • Ness Pringle

    Similar to a lot of other people's comments, I also would purposefully watch things to push myself further into a disorder, one of the worst culprits are the many BBC docu-shows like "Super Size vs. Super Skinny" or "OCD Cleaners vs. Hoarders", literally watching things that would make me terrified of being (the supersized, and the hoarder) to watch the behaviours of the other side, and be better at taking those behaviours myself to further my ED and obsessiveness. I feel like it starts off innocently but it always ends up being bad in the end…

  • Kimberly Naegele

    I watch whatever my feelings crave because it’s cathartic and it’s easy. If it isn’t working though in a particular circumstance, I try relying on something spiritual that is more than just praying- a ritualistic cleansing shower with candles while praying. And then there is always arts and crafts and puzzles while listening to the right mood music or tv show.

  • Dreaded Journeys All around

    I watch things about eating disorders that are triggering origanally to feel understood but now I want it to keep me going down that path

  • Gabbie Fulton

    Thank you Kati for creating this wonderful video. Giving me some tools to use. This is helping me deal with being cyberbullying on a video.

  • mariela treviño

    If im consuming less than 600 cal a day do I have an eating disorder? Ive only lost 13lbs I started a month ago, dont really have a specific diet I just try to eat as healthy as possible and try my best to avoid fats and carbs! And im not skinny im just thin.. im 5’7 130lbs and Im loving seeing myself loose weight and that just makes me want to loose more and more weight but I already know that consuming 600cal a day might not be healthy does that make me have an eating disorder?
    Ive never been happy with my weight Ive always wanted to loose weight for years but always failed with my diets because I had no will power to stop eating and now that Im finally having the will power to stop eating it feels amazing!!!! I dont want to stop! I usually allow myself to have a “cheat meal” once or twice per week but I feel so bad afterwards I have to take a laxative that same day to not feel bloated the next day and to be honest I always google pro ana pics to get motivated to keep loosing weight.. It just feels so amazing to feel thiner day by day and seeing the numbers in the scale go down

  • Pearblossom 13

    I am a survivor of multiple abuses.
    Ive always been confused why I love watching "Law n Order Sexual assault" version. It can be graphic and it doesn't trigger me.
    All I can think is, on there the abuse always comes to light and they fight like hell for justice…??

  • xXFlufflePuffXx

    Have you heard about Mother Mother?
    This band reflects everything I feel when I seek triggering stuff and feel depressed.
    They are so passionate.

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